Thursday, 30 January 2014

Your Mother Warned You There'll Be Days Like These

There is suddenly this requirement, this urgent need for the sort of companionship that does not require any explanations, that does not demand any unattainable goals, that does not admonish my behavior; that is there, unquestionably and always, like a silent prayer that has been softly but surely cast into the skies.
No man is an island, even though I have often claimed that I’d like to be one. And going by how I've been living my life over the past couple of years, I’d say that I've carved a nice little island off the coast of Australia for myself, somewhere, seeded deeply in the waters of the Indian Ocean, invisible to all those eyes who do not know where to look for it.
Looking around, I see almost everyone in a relationship or getting engaged/married, and here I am, sitting with my computer day and night, filling college applications or spending my father’s money sending them out to those faraway lands which bear that seductive promise of a lucrative future. It opens my eyes to so many things that are wrong with the way the world has become. Or perhaps it’s always been this way and it’s only now that I’ve managed to scrutinize it thus.
My country is going positively berserk with all the election based drama. Politicians are behaving like monkeys vying for the top spot of Most-Entertaining-Circus-Animal-of-the-Year, trying to make each other look even more ridiculous than they already do. All this, just so that they get to wear the bloody Prime Ministerial crown and rule over the land. Wow, maybe even that dolt Rahul Gandhi has a point—power really is poison! It manages to worm its way into your bloodstream like an evil parasite, and then it blinds you to everything.
Some of my friends asked me recently who I’d like to vote for this year, and it made me feel like I was being forced to choose between the devil and the deep sea. This was literally the first thing that popped out of my mouth. How sad is that? Imagine—if the first analogy that comes to me when I think of the two men vying to become the Prime Minister of my country evokes this sense of haplessness, and a desire to keep running away, far away until I hit a happier shore—something is really really wrong with the way things are.
The place in my life that I am currently in, well let’s just say it’s a slippery ground. I have a degree and a license to practice medicine, but what I don’t have yet is that sense of balance that’s mythically supposed to have arrived by now in my life. I live happily with my family, after five years of living alone, and I’m frankly quite lucky to be getting this time with them. This, I most certainly am grateful for! What I do not like is that even now, I have that slightly hollow sensation somewhere in my thorax, as if something very vital has been pulled away from me. I really miss my friends, and I wish that I could still have those random, unplanned craziness-sessions with the gang,
But still, I don’t think that that’s what is supposed to fill up that thoracic void. I don’t know what it is, I don’t know how I’ll get it, but I need to get it. Somehow, anyhow.

Everybody deserves to have their moments of contentment and pure unadulterated joy in life. I’d say mine is long overdue. Come on already!


It is on silent afternoons
Such as this, when—
With my legs
Up a table,
And my hand balancing the stem
Of a tall glass of golden wine, I lie
Drunk enough for analgesia
And awake enough
To appreciate your loving eyes
Do I realize that with you
I am me, incomplete in achievements,
Indecisive in choices,
Incorrigible in habits…
But you love my tainted, rusty armor
And you love my questionable impulses,
And you worship every inch I touch…
Are you the effect of
An unknowingly uttered spell?
Or the blessing of whichever god
Watches over the earth, sun and moon?
Because beauty such as yours
Is too bright for my eyes,

And too precious to my soul…

Monday, 6 January 2014

Remember, Remember

Must we live, simply because we are born, deemed alive by blood cells racing through our veins, and neurons firing impulses trying to teach us life lessons? Or perhaps because two people chose—or maybe didn’t—to bring forth a life into this crazy world?
Despite those motley instances where one is forced to wonder why that mysterious cosmic governing force chose to create this absurd, ironical, intricate little plot called life, I honestly believe that we, as a collective living unit, are headed towards a greater destiny.
Each moment leads up to a bigger calling, a more elaborate reason that shall one day define our existence.
I’d like to believe that I live because I choose to, and because I refuse to be just another face in the crowd of men, women and urban fables. Unless you believe in your own self, it’s highly unlikely that someone else will fall down that same rabbit hole with you. In a way, it all feels like marketing and advertising yourself to the world to achieve a more widespread, a more heartfelt acceptance. And I don’t think I’m wrong in assuming this, because I really do think that we are born to learn and to teach what we learn to others around us. Knowledge must be shared, no matter how trivial it is. A dead brain is as useful as a broken cup, so before your cups starts showing any cracks, share your wisdom, however ridiculous it may seem to you.
You shall only be remembered for your actions and your words after you’re dead and gone, because a pretty face will fade away like a blurry candle flame and a baritone voice will be forgotten like a seldom heard melody.
You can choose to be different and to stand out, or you can be remembered as someone who simply came and went, stuck to the script.

I, on the other hand, like to improvise. I’d hate nothing more than to be forgotten.