Saturday, 28 September 2013

The Big F

My "trying times" (if you'll allow me to be cheesy this one time) started on July 30th. I'll never forget that day, and that horrid phone conversation, with me standing on a rainy grey terrace, getting drenched in the unrelenting Poona rain.
Little did I know how the next two months were going to unfold, nor did I have a clue about how I would deal with failure considering I've always been a sore loser. Not to mention, this was officially my first tryst with the big F. Thus far, despite my flair and attraction for the dramatic and the extreme, I have had a fairly steady climb career-wise.
Coming from the family I come from, failure has never been an option. I was always a good student through school and college, and as the end of my undergrad days drew closer, the pressure to do something worthwhile and impressive with my life multiplied.
Although the pressure was a definite catalyst, the real reason my ambitious career-woman mode turned on was far more personal. My experiences in the last eighteen months or so convinced me that it wasn't just about pleasing my family, but the fact that I wouldn't really like myself too much if I let myself warm my seat and be complacent about life. Complacency was a plague I immediately began to detest, and thank God for that, because that allowed me to dream big, perhaps a little too big.
I have had several instances in life when everyone has questioned my judgement and looked at me with doubting eyes, including my family, but I pride myself on always sticking to my own choices. I am impulsive, sometimes dangerously so, and stubborn.
The dream I chose to dream for myself is quite ambitious and quite big, and with the passage of time, I have come to believe that my life is about to change irrevocably in a very short time. My fear of rejection, loneliness, self-doubt, and failure have now passed and turned into wispy ghosts of the past, because like someone said, we only fear the unknown, and I am now fairly familiar to these past fears.

I am not exactly in the happiest frame of mind presently. I am home-sick and exhausted beyond words, and could seriously do with a giant bear hug, but hell, I'm closer to the finish line than I've ever been.
Now is not the time to rest and look back.
I'm trying very hard to be zen and just move forward with every day that passes.
Failure is a part of life, one that we must all face some day. All you can do is be grateful that you are now introduced to this largely feared beast, and the only place you can go from rock bottom is up.

This too shall pass..

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