The last thoughts from the day
Leave my head;
The lights are off,
The curtains are drawn-
We don't need dawn
Disturbing any dreams.
Blanket over my body,
Eyes blind without my glasses;
I'm ready
For a night of heavy dreaming
And then
Waking up
To the sound of your soft kiss
Leaving your lips
And settling on my neck.
A head-shake here,
And a dismissive wave of the hand,
And there's that look of disdain
That paints me wet
With discouragement and doubt.
Perhaps my ideas
Aren't golden enough to please,
Not bourgeois enough
To raise eyebrows
Or draw envy from the first row snobs.
You keep saying it with your silence.
Not good enough.
But art isn't meant to appease;
It confounds,
Discombobulates,
Questions,
And eventually triumphs
Even when you don't understand
That the big red dot
Was never just a dot.
The black canvas
Was the universe as the audience
And the big red dot was me-
Victorious in my battles,
Blushing brightly
In the face of universal applause.
Another pretty sunrise-
A flirtation of pinks
With the darkness
That's in denial of its departure;
An early bird is the spectator
To this little exchange
Of colours in the sky-
As am I.
Sunrise after sunrise,
I watch and I learn-
For the darkness to leave
The light must remain persistent,
Positive,
Unyielding.
My battles are my own,
But so are my victories;
And for now, this sunrise
Is victory enough.
Yesterday is over.
Ripples make their way
To each unforgiving stretchmark
On my thighs, my belly,
And I splash my arms about
In protective denial.
A peacock swoons
Over another golden sunset,
That blesses the Thar.
The peahen stands
In the shadows-
Evading admiration or awe-
Quiet spectator to the sun's exit.
The ginger ale grows heavy
On my tongue as I stare-
You are so oblivious
To the charm you exude
When your skin is wet
And eyes unfocused.
I know you aren't thinking
Much,
I know thoughts pass like clouds,
But you do wonder
If we shall stay the same
As the years go by,
As the children grow older,
As the memories gain weight-
Shall we still be
Two drops of rosewater
United as one
To rest on a happy petal?
Shall we still be such
That when you dream,
I sprout wings and soar?
Yes we shall, I think.
My darling, we shall.
It has been a dry year
For the creative hemisphere
Of this mama's head-
Filled usually (and newly)
With thoughts of my child
When previously
There wasn't much else
Than ideas to unleash on paper
Or a blank shot
To fire through
An undivided head
Focused on nothing else
But travel, feasting, love,
And free-spirited lazing
On balmy afternoons,
And uneventful evenings.
And now I fight the hourglass
For a quiet moment
To hear the thoughts in my head,
See the bottom of my coffee mug,
Eat the last pizza crust;
But I don't miss that life;
I don't miss that directionless wandering
Into a comfortable haze-
My son is my compass.
He's led me home.
It is an hour before daybreak, and I'm sitting alone on my dining table sipping hot water to soothe an achy/ itchy throat. My husband is asleep, but I can tell it isn't a deep sleep because we both have a solid agenda for the day- we're having a baby.
My caesarian section is scheduled for 3pm this afternoon and the fact that this day is nearly upon us after nearly 37 weeks of being pregnant (felt like most of this year that's gone by!) is just surreal.
I'm contemplating going back to bed and trying to get another hour of sleep after I finish this cup of water, and I hear the azaan from a mosque somewhere in the distance. I guess that makes it official- the day has begun, sun or no sun. The little butterflies in my stomach seem to take flight and turn into a blaze of triumphant phoenixes.
All I want from this day is a healthy baby and for my surgery to go well so I can enjoy the new life that I start today- baby in arms, smile on my face and endless love in my heart.
Blow my mind
Like a breeze in a blizzard,
A dream-catcher's grasp,
A warm night of passion,
Or a mother's loving breath.
But do
Blow my mind
And show me new worlds
Where change arrives,
Dressed like a bride
Walking down the aisle
Knowing
That the happiest days of life
Are ahead of her.
